


Silver Angel

by titC



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Doctor Linda is awesome, F/M, Gen, Lucifer is Not Coping, Major Character IS Dead, but death is not the end, dang still bad at titles, dat balcony, significant jewelry, young adult Trixie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 11:21:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7313170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titC/pseuds/titC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, life's a bitch; but sometimes, it isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silver Angel

**Author's Note:**

> I promise I'll do my best to write something angst-free next. I'm trying, I swear, but I have all these what-ifs bunnies leaping around in my brain.  
> All the warnings you should need are in the tags, I'll just add that there's also hope and a lot of love.  
> I hope you won't hate it!  
> (also, check the notes at the end! @qqueenofhades wrote an awesome ficlet that fits!)

At 20, Trixie Decker-Espinoza had already been kidnapped, had watched her parents fight and grow apart and divorce, had visited her father in jail, had seen a man die and come back to life and another man die for good, and lost her mom.

When her mother had died, she'd been very young still – a ten-year-old kid with an ex-cop dad in prison. Her mother had been a cop too, and a bad shoot-out had ended up with Detective Chloe Decker with a bullet in the heart, and an orphaned daughter. She had three grand-parents still living, two on one side who had trouble dealing with the idea of an imperfect son and who lived much further south, and on the other a grandmother nominally based in LA but who had a hard time staying more than ten days in the same place. She was supposedly taken care of by all of them, but in reality her life was a bit more complicated.

Well, no, not really.

The first few years, her grandmother relocated more or less permanently in Los Angeles – or rather, she tried to; but she grew restless. She had done the parenting thing once already, and couldn't face doing it again with a child in whom she saw so much of her own daughter. If only, Penelope often mused, if only Chloe had followed in her footsteps and not her father's, she'd still be alive and well. Trixie stayed for a year with her other grandparents, but very clearly, it wasn't meant to be. They were strict with her because they felt they hadn't been strict enough with their son, and very soon their previously distant but warm relationship soured.

Her father himself, when he got out of jail, also tried to get her to stay with him; but she felt too awkward with him now – he'd missed so much stuff, she didn't really know who he was anymore. He'd found a new girlfriend, too. She was nice and friendly with Trixie – not playing mom, not pretending to be her friend either, but... it was just too weird. She was happy for him though.

So they had to find another solution, and now, most of the time, she lived above an infamous Los Angeles nightclub. She had had the coolest minders ever as a teenager, and her family came from time to time to check on her and glower at her usual, everyday keepers. Now that she was an undergraduate, she hadn't even wanted to relocate. She was studying film-making and writing, and honestly a quiet suburban neighborhood wasn't a great source of ideas, in her opinion.

There was a rather diverse bunch keeping an eye on her: a ninja bartender (the ninja part had usually got left out of the school paperwork), a nightclub owner who claimed he only let her stay around because kids where chick magnets, the nightclub owner's brother who was a bit stuck-up but the usual voice of reason, a therapist who took her on cathartic shopping sprees (with the nightclub owner's money), and even at times her actual family – time and distance had eventually made things way easier between them all; and now she enjoyed spending a few days with grandparents who didn't feel like they had to replace her own parents or that she was their second chance at giving a child a severe education.

 

Her friends were very jealous of the supposedly wild life she had been leading these last few years (and the really, really cool car Lucifer picked her up in sometimes), but honestly it was all pretty tame. Lessons, friends, soccer, holidays with her family, a few weeks working over the summer, and maybe the occasional chat with a go-go dancer, stripper or pole dancer roped into keeping an eye on her when she had been younger.

It wasn't the wild debauchery she guessed some were picturing, but she knew what debauchery looked like from what she'd glimpsed at Lux when she'd sneaked down and Maze pretended she hadn't seen her; and that wasn't it. It wasn't Lucifer coming back alone from his club, going from entertaining a partying audience to playing angry or melancholy songs on the upstairs piano; it wasn't him reading Milton aloud at night when she couldn't sleep; it wasn't having self-defense lessons from Maze – well, those were really awesome, though – or playing coffee snob with Amenadiel and Linda in all the indie coffee shops they could find.

 

Of course, when she had still been a teenager, she had wanted to live on her own back in her childhood home, and of course everybody had agreed on a big, resounding no. Still, there had been a compromise, and she could get a lift to her mother's house whenever she asked. At first she'd thought Lucifer wanted his privacy to entertain the wild parties she had been told used to be pretty frequent before she moved in, but she never ever saw any sign of them, so. Sometimes, he would go away for a week or two on business trips, usually with Maze; and Trixie stayed at her old home with her grandparents or at her father's. Older now, she still went to her mother's old house; but after a few days melancholy overwhelmed her and she would come back to the penthouse.

On those times when Trixie would go there, she would sit on the porch if the weather was nice, and spend the night in her childhood bed. She pretended her mother was upstairs sleeping, or maybe working at her desk. She pretended she wasn't alone just for the night, and in the morning she always found Lucifer cooking breakfast and being his usual outrageous self. He'd throw her over his shoulders and run outside growling, he's stick his head out of the kitchen window and yell, “Beatrice, want some of my spotted dick for brekkie?” (he'd actually baked some once, and it wasn't bad, she'd decided), he'd have a drum kit delivered and they would bang on it for hours...

The neighbors were scandalized until they saw it was that eccentric British guy cheering up that poor cop's orphaned daughter, and they would go back to grumbling about what the neighborhood was coming to, did you see that girl lurking around last night, you'll see, there's going to be a gang war right here on our lawns. Maze was always highly entertained by their mutterings and hammed up her skulking and glaring and general leather-wearing on those nights.

 

One bright Sunday morning, her twentieth birthday only a few weeks past, after pancakes in her mom's kitchen and before he drove her to her soccer game (she never said no to a ride in his car), she decided it was time.

“Hey, Lucifer.” Trixie poked him in the chest.

Sprawled in the old armchair he'd dragged outside, eyes closed and a half-smile on his lips, he looked a bit like a well-fed cat sunning itself. “Hm?”

“Come on, I want to talk to you.”

“If this is about doing the washing up – ”

“There's a dishwasher. No, I want to give something to you.”

“Ooooh, a present!” He sat up and looked expectantly at her.

Her heart beat a little faster, looking at her with his big brown eyes in a never-aging face. Oh yes, she'd noticed that while Linda, her father and honestly everyone else apart from Maze and Amenadiel gained a few wrinkles at the corner of the eyes, some white hair – _they_ didn't. She'd realized they never got hurt or sick, that they were stronger than they should have been. She'd seen those very eyes flash an unearthly color once or twice, she thought she'd glimpsed strange scars on Maze's face. She took a deep breath. “Here,” she said holding out her hand.

His eyes when from her face to her palm, and he blanched. “No.” He backed a little from her, but she'd cornered him in the armchair.

“I want you to have it. Please.”

“No, Beatrice, no, it was a birthday present from – you should keep it.” He never mentioned her mother, and everybody had learned to avoid the topic around him.

But this time, she insisted. She'd even rehearsed it, knowing he'd try to refuse. “Mom said we should all have our own guardian angel when she gave it to me. But you're always here for me, and so I already have one.”

“I am _not_ – ”

“And I'd like you to have something from Mom.” She saw she'd pushed him as far as she could go. “Also, it's not polite to reject a gift.” So she hugged him and sneakily clasped the silver chain around his neck, and he awkwardly twitched and patted her shoulder and squirmed until she went back inside, watching him through the kitchen window. He didn't move for a long while, elbows on his knees and head bowed.

He never mentioned it again, and his shirts were never left unbuttoned as low as before.

 

At the end of October, Trixie found her father waiting for her in front of Lux. He looked pretty grim.

“Hi, dad,” she said, resettling her bag on her shoulder.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah.” She went in, and he trailed after her in the elevator. “How are things?” It was often a bit awkward at first when they saw each other, however frequently they did. She knew he was jealous she mostly lived with Lucifer, but she also knew he accepted that things hadn't worked out for the both of them, and he was genuinely happy for her that their arrangement was working. He'd always adored her, and he'd always be her one and only dad.

“Job's fine.” He looked at his daughter's profile. “Clara says hi.”

“Oh. Good. Hi.” She took a deep breath. “Look, I can't – what is it? There's... something, right? What is it?” Trixie was starting to freak out; her father seemed to be avoiding talking about what he obviously was here to talk about and she was starting to get scared. Was he sick? Or, maybe Clara was pregnant, and he was afraid of her reaction? or...

He took a deep breath. “Your mother's killer's getting out today.” He was avoiding her eyes. “She got him in in the first place, and he might want to get revenge. You need to be warned.”

“What?”

“I didn't want you to hear about it from anyone else, I...”

There was a big crash from the library, and from the kitchen they heard a low growl and quick, angry footsteps.

“No, wait!” Dan ran to the elevator, but the door closed in his face. “Shit.”

“Yeah. He was supposed to be away most of the day. Let me call Maze, she'll track him.” She looked at her father's face. “Dad?”

“He... he doesn't have red eyes, usually, right?”

“No. Must be the elevator light.” He looked unsettled as she dialed. Maze answered after one ring, swore at Trixie's quick words, and told them to stay put.

“He's going to do something stupid,” Trixie said. “We can't let him.”

“ _We_ are not going to do anything. You're going to stay here and – ” his phone rang. It was Maze again, short and to the point.

“ _You_ stay put, too,” she said and hung up.

“She's right, dad. I don't want you getting in the middle of... you know.”

“Yeah. Yeah, monkey, I know.”

 

They went to the sofa and left the TV on at a low volume, just in case; and they talked like they rarely talked. Dan told her again about how he'd met Chloe at the police academy, how he only understood why all his buddies were horribly jealous of him when his flatmates had a movie night with _Hot Tub High School_. How he'd been blown away by her dedication, her doggedness, her big, big eyes. He told her about the day he blurted out his proposal out of the blue, one afternoon at the firing range; and she'd laughed at him and kissed him and say yes. He told her about her wedding dress, Penelope crying and his parents so proud. About the day she said, “we're going to have a baby,” and how he'd cried too. How she'd been a fussy child, how she'd kept them up at night, how proud they had been when she'd taken her first steps. None of those stories were new to her and yet Trixie found comfort in them; her father's arm over her shoulder and his low, soft voice in her ear.

They'd been so happy back then. She wished she could remember those days, and not the days when their relationship soured, or when her dad went into prison for shooting the man who would have killed Chloe. She knew he'd always loved her mother, even then. She knew he'd have done it all over again for the man who'd actually murdered her. Her head on his shoulder, they waited.

 

As the sunlight outside was slowly fading into city lights, they heard the elevator doors open. Lucifer strode out, freezing for a second when he saw them, then crossed the wide room and slammed the door to his bedroom. Maze went straight to the bar, grabbed a bottle and plunked into an armchair. “Catastrophe averted,” she said.

Her father blew out a breath. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, well. Don't thank me.” She looked intently at Trixie. “I think your little present did... something.” She gestured at her neck.

“Present?”

“I gave him the silver angel.”

“What? No, it was your mom's gift, you can't – ”

“I can and I did.”

“He should have – ”

“He did, and I out-stubborned him.” She smiled a little.

Her father finally smiled back. “Well. She'd be proud.” He turned to Maze. “What happened?”

“I don't know exactly.” She shrugged. “One minute he was throwing that worm around, the next he's dropping him and stalking away. I just followed.” Trixie stared at her. “Okay, I may have broken a few fingers. As a little reminder.”

“Good,” Dan said.

Silence settled over them. Maze was making serious inroads in the bottle, and Dan seemed to be thinking about doing the same.

He took a deep breath. “He really...”

“Yeah.” More vodka.

“But...” A sigh. “I never really understood what there was between them. I miss her too, but I don't...” Her father's voice broke, and Trixie cuddled closer to him.

“I don't know, dad. He never, ever talks about her, and no one ever mentions mom around him or he'll just disappear for hours.”

“That's not healthy.”

“Not really, no.”

“What is healthy?” Maze asked the ceiling. She went on staring at nothing, bottle in one hand and playing with a knife in the other. Dan had learned not to flinch every time she did that.

 

He left after a while, hugging Trixie so hard she thought they would melt together in one tight family ball. She hugged him back – it was good to remember her mom, to talk about her with people who'd known her for a long time. Her father was the person who had best known Chloe Decker as she had been when Trixie herself had been a child, and it soothed her to reminisce. She missed her, her hugs and her voice and her gentle chiding; she missed her hero who was always there for her and had come to save her when she'd been kidnapped; she missed her mother's fingers doing her hair and patting her head afterwards, a wink in the mirror; she missed the nights watching a movie, snuggled together on the sofa. She missed her mom.

 

Maze hadn't moved when she went back into the sitting room. “He was burned.” At Trixie's raised eyebrow, she rolled her eyes. “Your pendant. It burned him.”

“You think that's why he stopped?”

“I _know_ it's why he stopped.”

“That's...”

“Yeah.”

 

Lucifer made himself scarce for the next few days, but Trixie chalked it up to the preparations for the Halloween party at Lux – a grand affair, grander every year. She was supposed to spend the night with her own friends, and between soccer practice, essays on film theory and finding the last elements of her outfit the day was here quickly, and she hadn't much dwelled on what had happened. Amenadiel had arrived from wherever he often went for weeks at a time, and she looked forward to spending some time scouring coffee shops with him and maybe Linda – she did like her esoteric brews.

Halloween night was a rather silly affair – the boy she'd hitched a ride with tried to kiss her, she did kiss a girl because duh, and she avoided the spiked drinks like the plague. Maze had shown her surveillance camera feeds of what she did to drunkards in Lux, and it had been just like a vaccine. Some idiots trying to feel the dancers up, leering at Maze, stumbling about believing they were great dancers – all ended up outside next to the bins, puking their guts out and sometimes face-planting in their own vomit. Never drink alcohol when you don't know exactly what you're imbibing and in what quantity – a good lesson to remember.

Just after lunch the next day, Kelly's mother drove her back to Lux, sighing a little wistfully. “You know, I found it weird at first you weren't living with your dad but, well. I guess that man is doing all right by you.”

“Yeah. And he makes mean pancakes!” She winked at Mrs Lee, who giggled.

“Oooh, stop it or I'm coming up with you!”

Trixie grinned and said goodbye to Mrs Lee before going up to the penthouse. She saw some cleaners still at work in and around the club and waved a hello to those she knew, and rode the lift up.

 

When she got upstairs, she first dumped her overnight back in her room. She heard low voices on the balcony and headed there to say hi, but she stopped just before making her presence known. Amenadiel and Lucifer were outside, and it looked like Amenadiel was lecturing his brother. Probably not a good time to disturb them, she thought; they usually ended up sullen and frowning at each other for a few hours after this kind of sermon. She wondered what they were talking about though. Some of their brotherly chats tended to halt abruptly when she arrived and her curiosity had always been strong, so she inched a bit closer, hidden by the wall.

“...talked to Maze.”

“Have you.” Lucifer's voice was strangely dull.

“You're torturing yourself, brother.”

“Torture is in my job description, if you'd remember.”

“Don't be stupid. Let me – ”

“Don't touch it.” There was a thump and a grunt.

“Okay, fine.” Amenadiel sounded muffled, as if something covered his mouth. They stayed silent for a while, and Trixie was thinking about retreating when he went on. “You can't go on like that.” He sounded almost... worried.

“Tell me...” A sigh. “She's up there, isn't she? Tell me she is.”

Trixie had always wondered about the exact relationship between her mother and Lucifer. Everyone said they had been partners, friends; but something had always looked off to her. He had never seemed to grieve, hadn't been at the funeral, and mostly acted as she'd never existed. As if he had ended up housing a teenager out of chance. And yet.

“You know she is. She's fine. She misses Beatrice.” The sound of fabric over fabric, a low voice. “She misses you.” A hiss and another, smaller thump. “Okay, fine, not touching there either. You should call Linda.”

“She's not my therapist anymore.”

“She's your friend.” Amenadiel sounded almost urgent, and Trixie's heart clenched. “I know you don't want to talk about it but – ”

“I dreamed of her.”

“What?”

“Last night.”

“Last night was... it wasn't a dream, Luci. She came to you.” A grunt. “She _did_.”

Trixie flattened herself against the wall when Lucifer suddenly appeared in the floor-to-ceiling window frame.

“Beatrice,” he only said. His eyes skimmed over her to sweep the rest of the room, then he stalked to the lift and disappeared.

“Come join me, Beatrice. What did you hear?” Amenadiel asked her.

She settled next to him on the couch. “I... I don't know what to think. What was their relationship, really? No one ever told me.”

“They were friends.”

“More than friends. Don't lie to me about it, you all keep saying they were friends but I don't believe it anymore. I want to know. I want the truth, this time.”

“They weren't together, if that's your question.”

“But?”

“But, they were getting there. Slowly. And then your mother died.”

“But what changed? These past few weeks, it's like... I don't know. He's weird.”

“Since you gave him your pendant.”

Trixie gaped at him. “So it's my fault? Is that what you're saying?”

“No. No, it's not. It's just...” He blew out a long breath. “You've known for a while we're not exactly... like you, right?”

“I've noticed things, yeah.”

“Your mother, too. But she never really knew when she was still alive. And now...” Trixie stared at him. “Now, she's in Heaven, and she knows everything, and... she asked me to tell you she loves you, that she's proud of you. That she wishes she could be here for you.” He looked away from her glistening eyes. “You know, giving him your pendant was the best and worst thing you could have done.”

“I don't understand. How can you... Why didn't I dream of her too? ...best and worst? I...”

“She can't appear to you, Beatrice. That's why she talked to me.”

“Talked to you.”

“She's in Heaven, and I... can go there.”

“To Heaven.”

“Yes.”

“And Lucifer?”

“He can't. Not anymore.”

She took some time before answering.”I'm not sure I like what you're implying.”

“What, that the devil picked you up from school?” Maze had appeared behind the couch.

“Hi, Maze.” Trixie was too used to her tricks to be fazed. “No, just... it all feels too hopeless, I guess. I miss her everyday but I know she loved me, I know she knew I loved her, and maybe, if I believe you...”

“You'll see her again.”

“Yeah.”

“And he won't.” Maze's voice was flat, almost harsh; and Trixie shivered.

“Our father has, well, banished him a long time ago. But I think that through your pendant, she could come to him last night. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing, though.”

“Bad. It's going to drive him insane.”

“But it also kept him from losing it with Chloe's killer, Maze.”

“And is that a good or a bad thing?”

Trixie wasn't sure of the answer; and she left them on the balcony to study a bit – or pretend to. Her mind was roiling, and she couldn't find peace in her work.

 

Late in the afternoon, there was a low rumbling sound, growing in intensity for the few seconds it lasted, and the building shook a little; then everything settled again. Trixie ran outside where Amenadiel and Maze were poring over dusty old tomes from Lucifer's library, and they exchanged looks. “Huh. That's a small quake.”

“Not a quake, Beatrice. Listen.”

“I can't hear anything.”

“It's too high for her human ears.”

The sky was growing dark at an alarming rate, as if a tropical storm was brewing right over their heads. Maze and Amenadiel looked uneasy. “I didn't know he could still do that,” he said.

“Yeah, well. Apparently he can. We have to go. Stay here, Trixie.” They both turned to look at her, then suddenly vanished.

“No, what? Maze!” she yelled at the empty balcony.

She felt furious. Just when she thought she was getting some answers, too. She tasted ash in her throat. But there was one person she could turn to when people were being insane, and she dialed her number.

 

“What is happening?” Linda asked as she slammed the door of Trixie's Tesla shut after her. “They never said there was to be an eclipse, the forecast didn't say anything about storms, and a _quake_?”

“Lucifer's losing it, it seems. I'm supposed to be a good girl and stay home, but fuck it.” She floored the car. It might have been second-hand (she'd refused Lucifer's attempt to offer her a brand new one), but the acceleration... she loved it, and right now they needed it.

“He's never been the picture of mental health, but I don't see how it's related to the weather.”

“Lucifer's apparently _the_ Lucifer.” She glanced at Linda. “Admit it, you're not even surprised.”

“ _You_ don't seem to be.”

“You don't either.” Weaving between cars and antsy drivers, Trixie sent a little mental thank you to her dad. He'd gotten her special driving lessons from a friend of his, and dude, did the lady have serious skills. It felt good to use them for something other than avoiding drunkards and sleepy truckers. Still, she mostly felt a sense of urgency, a little something tugging at her heart and her brain – leading her to where she felt she had to go.

They drove for a very long time in the dark, ending at the foot of a hill where nothing human seemed to have set foot in a very long time.

 

It was eerie, walking up the slope with only the wind whistling in their ears and no animal sounds at all. They heard voices when they neared the top.

“I lit the stars, Amenadiel. I can still extinguish them if I so choose.”

“But why? What do you want? What do you think you're going to achieve here?”

“I, brother, am the devil. I am the rebel, the fallen, the destroyer. I am the end. This is my destiny, isn't it? I wanted the freedom to choose, but in the end we can never get it, can we?” He looked up at the skies. “So here I am, being what you've created, doing what you've always wanted me to do. Are you happy now? Are you, father?”

They were all soaked, here on a hilltop with dark skies above them, a star low on the horizon the only light in the world, it seemed. A scorching wind was whipping their wet clothes against their legs, their arms; and Lucifer stood in the middle of it all, low flames leaping around him, his rage distorting the air around him. “Your world is unfair and it is not because of me. It is not! But I will end it. I will.” His face was flashing red at moments.

Maze saw Trixie out of the corner of her eye, and joined her and Linda. “What are you doing here?” She was hissing more than talking, and Trixie felt a chill run down her spine.

“I felt... something. Telling me to get Linda and come here.”

“This is stupid. He is going to let go at one point, and you'll both die.”

“No, I don't think we will.” Linda started forward, fighting against strong gales at first, then walking more easily the more she drew closer to him. It took long minutes.

“Hello, Lucifer.”

After a few seconds, his red red eyes went from the sky to her. “...you?” The flames around him lowered and almost disappeared.

“What are you doing?” She sounded conversational and mildly curious, as she used to back when he still went to her practice. He stared at her, silent and breathing heavily. She reached out and opened a few buttons on his shirt, spreading it open with her fingers. They hovered over the pendant on his collarbone, incandescent and almost blinding, raising angry blisters on his skin. He didn't seem to feel any pain, or maybe he didn't notice it amid all he felt. “You know, if you want to live among us humans, you have to learn how to deal with some things. Bad parenting, death and change... it's life here on Earth, Lucifer. You can't destroy everything you love out of spite, because you can't live with it. You'll only hurt yourself more, and I think you know it.” She removed her hand. “I think you don't really want to, or you'd be doing this back in the city.”

Lucifer raised a hand to her cheek, silent for a long while. “It is goodbye, then,” he said.

 

Trixie had managed to reach Amenadiel in spite of the wind, after Linda had left her side. “I haven't seen him like that in a very long time,” he said.

“What happened then?” She grasped his arm to steady herself while Maze stalked around the clearing.

There was a long silence, only broken by the sounds of the gale around them – branches rustling, sand whispering against sand, stones rolling into stones. “He was cast out of heaven and became the ruler of hell.”

“What was he angry about?” Pinned by a strong gale and unable to move much, they watched Linda fighting to get to Lucifer.

He smiled a bit. “Always the same things. Life and death, freedom and fate. He questioned our father's choices once too often.”

“And he was punished.”

“I'm not too sure. I've grown to think father might have wanted to show him the consequences of free will, all the evil that can be born from it. Anyway, Lucifer... didn't take it like that.”

“Yeah.”

They watched Linda reach the epicenter of the winds, how she quieted the storm around him little by little. “You were right to bring her.”

Maze was facing them from behind Lucifer, closer to him than they were. When the ground started shaking again, her eyes widened. Amenadiel dragged Trixie back away from the clearing and Maze ran to Linda, grabbed her and joined them. Hopefully far enough from Lucifer, they saw the ground split open in front of him. He raised his head from the widening crack in the earth and locked eyes with Trixie, a small smile on his lips.

His eyes had been brown again when he fell into hell, she would remember afterwards. The rift closed before Maze could reach it.

 

They trudged back to the car under pouring rain. Trixie chose not to ask how Amenadiel and Maze had arrived before her, she wasn't sure she could deal with the answer right then.

“How are you feeling?” Linda asked as they were nearing the city.

“Please don't,” Maze muttered. She was sprawled half over Amenadiel in the back seat, looking part sullen and part heartbroken.

“Why did he have to do that?” Trixie asked the windshield. The city already seemed to be getting over its scare; just another quake, just another freak thunderstorm and power outage – surely not an eclipse, surely not a new star in the sky. A rogue satellite falling from orbit, people panicking, the media fear-mongering. She turned the radio off.

Trixie felt exhausted, damp and blue and heartsick. Would she ever see him again, she mused? He'd been her rock for so long. She couldn't lose him, too. She couldn't.

“Don't even think about it,” Amenadiel said.

“About what?”

“About living a life that would take you _there_. He'd never forgive you.”

She parked the car in her private spot and let her head fall on the wheel, letting her eyes overflow. “I'm sorry. I can't drive anymore,” she whispered.

“Can you stay a bit, Linda?” Amenadiel opened Trixie's door and helped her out. She felt rubbery and shapeless and about to collapse on herself – like a dying star about to turn into an ever-starved black hole, unable to feel full ever again. He mostly carried her to the lift and they all piled in the sofa and armchairs, listening to the rain pelting the tall windows of the penthouse and trying not to look at the bar, at the piano, at the dark gray jacket thrown over a barstool.

“Is this all my fault?” Trixie mumbled.

“Your fault how?”

“I gave him something from mom a few weeks ago, and since then...”

“It probably would have happened at one point or another.” Linda watched Maze go to the Wall of Booze and gestured for a glass too. “He waited for you not to need him, I imagine, and went away before he hurt you.”

“But he did! I do need him!” She looked at Maze. “And what about you?”

She shrugged. “I guess he still wants me here. He's the boss.”

“I'm sorry, Maze. I really am.”

“Don't be.”

They let the rain fill the silence, rhythmic and familiar, an echo of themselves.

“I don't think I can stay here tonight,” Trixie said into the darkness. She didn't feel up to going to her childhood home either, or going to her father's. She wanted to be somewhere with no lingering sense of loss, with no vestiges of a joyful past; a place empty of anything, maybe. But there wasn't anywhere in the world that would feel safe from the world.

 

The summer solstice was approaching in a few weeks, and with it the reopening of Lux. After Lucifer's disappearance, Maze had ended up taking the reins, and after the new year had closed it up to refurbish everything. It hadn't changed in years, and they had been toying with the idea for a few months; so she decided that maybe it was time. Trixie took the opportunity to use it as a filming location for her end of term work.

The night before they took the grand piano away to put it into storage, she sat on the bench and let her hands run over the keys. Black, white, black, white – she remembered sitting next to Lucifer, watching his fingers dance over the ivories, slow down, repeat a sequence, show her simple, happy tunes. She wished the world wasn't so gray now. She'd never really taken to the piano, but she'd always loved watching him play. Just like your mom, her grandmother had said one evening when they'd all been gathered upstairs for Trixie's birthday family party. Lucifer had finished the piece and closed the lid and not played anything else in the evening. If it hadn't been her big day, he probably wouldn't even have finished the song, she'd told her grandmother.

Empty, Lux was just a huge, dim space full of shadows. The tables were gleaming, but the leather was cracked on the armchairs and the low couches. She looked up at the poles and aerial hoops where dancers and acrobats had performed, at the bar from where Maze had often observed and sometimes served, when the mood would strike.

She missed Lucifer. She'd relocated to her childhood home, but she felt she was rattling around on her own, even if she never really spent much time alone there. Her days were full with her friends and her studies and her soccer team. Maze or Linda were often around, and Amenadiel had decided to take an interest in classic movies and was always asking for her advice and comments. She suspected it was more for her sake than his, but she let it go. She still felt lonely.

 

It was the shortest night of the year, and there was a crowd in the new, revamped club. An elbow on the bar, Trixie was chatting with Maze. Some of the people here had been regulars before, but others were new and staring at Maze with slightly hungry eyes. Linda was dragging Amenadiel around the dance-floor, and he wasn't very graceful for a supposedly divine being. It made them smirk and giggle into their margaritas.

The grand piano was back, unchanged in the new color scheme, gleaming black and surrounded by thick burgundy drapes. The singers and musicians Maze had hired since that day last November were good, but none as charismatic as Lucifer had been, and Trixie felt the lack keenly. She didn't think she'd ever stop wishing he was here – another hole punched in her heart. She thought she could see a familiar face reflected in the sides of the piano, long blond hair and the flash of a smile. She shuddered.

“Hey Maze, I'm going up for a bit.” A bit of air and some quiet would probably feel good on her heated skin.

Up on the balcony, Trixie looked at the city spread out at her feet. She thought Lucifer must have loved the view; the bright lights and the dark spots, the faraway neons and the lines of car lights surrounded by inky gloom where people lived and died, made love and killed, watched TV and did drugs and finished their homework.

A soft sound made her turn around, and he was sitting there on the railing, balancing not even precariously half on the low brick wall, half on the glass divider. She guessed he didn't have to hide any preternatural ability not to fall down to the asphalt below anymore.

“Hello, Beatrice,” he said softly.

“Oh,” she whispered. She wanted to throw herself into his warmth like she did as a child, when she would hug his thighs, then his hips, then his waist – she'd never gone further up than his chest, welcoming and firm and comforting against her cheek even when she'd stopped growing. He'd always let her, after all. She wanted to feel him against her, and she was afraid he'd slip away out of her grasp again, she was afraid she'd push him down with the force of her joy.

Seeing her hesitation, he slid down to his feet and looked a bit awkward, as if he were still unsure of her reaction. She threw her arms around his neck and he caught her – he'd never done that before, she thought, he'd never hugged her so hard, always uncomfortable with her displays of affection. “You bastard,” she hiccuped, “you bastard, don't you ever do that again, don't you dare – ” she could feel the fabric on his shoulder get wetter and wetter, and she didn't care, she didn't care.

He didn't answer, but his thumbs were wiping her tears, and his warm brown eyes were crinkling a bit, and he dropped a kiss on her forehead and she laughed, she laughed, light and giddy.

 

When the lift doors opened, he seemed to grow taller, and all eyes turned to him. He winked at Maze as he led Trixie to the bar, then walked to the piano and sat on the bench. The loud music stopped, and then – Lucifer Morningstar was back.

 

When he'd finished his set, Trixie went back upstairs to wait for him. She imagined he would first mingle around, pester Maze and get on his brother's nerves, and she needed to regroup. The heat, the noise, and her heart that was still thumping hard in her chest – she took a quick shower to freshen up and calm down, first. The cool water helped, and she felt soothed when she got out. She got a glass of water from the kitchen and went to sit outside when –

“Hey, Trixie.”

That voice. She hadn't heard that voice in so many years, she'd almost thought she'd forgotten it, its warmth and its love and the smile it put on her face. Her mother, slightly translucent and not a day older than she had been 10 years ago, was beaming at her from the sofa. She walked through the puddle of water and didn't even feel it, the glass rolling away from her feet on the carpet. “Mommy?” She felt 10 again, elated and comforted and safe from everything bad in the world. Her mom was here, standing up and coming closer.

“Oh, baby, come here, let me see you. You're so tall now...” Something was shimmering on her cheeks – ghostly tears, Trixie realized. “I wish I could hug you, I'm so proud of you.”

Trixie had started to raise her arms, but her mother's words stopped her. “Can't hug a ghost, huh. Oh, mom, I – ”

“I know. Oh, I know.” They were standing very close, both trying hard not to touch the other for fear of seeing a hand go through the other. “I'm so sorry, I never wanted to abandon you.”

“I know, mom. Don't be sorry, I'm okay, really. I miss you every day, but... life's been good. Everyone's been good to me.” Her voice was breaking, wet and choked.

“I watch you, all the time. I saw you break your ankle and I wasn't here, I saw you graduate and I wasn't here, I... oh, Trixie.” She breathed out, a little unsteady. Funny how some habits could linger even when you didn't need them anymore, Trixie thought. She could see and hear her mother, but she wished so hard she could touch her too – she craved it so, so much. “I made a deal with god, you know. He wanted to send me down with a message, and I said, only if I can talk to my daughter. And here I am.”

“Mom, I – thank you.” What could she say? How could she convey all she felt? She could only hope her mom understood her. She thought she did. She smiled like she did.

The doors to the elevator hissed open. “We'll meet again, monkey. We'll meet again, I promise you.” Her mother turned, and frozen next to the bar Lucifer was staring at her, unblinking and pale as death.

His mouth moved a bit, but there was no sound, not even air passing his lips. Her mom glided to him, and Trixie saw her feet were hovering a little above the floor. Finally, he lifted a hand until it was just over where a heart would have beaten, had she been alive. “I didn't feel any pain, Lucifer, I swear.”

“Is this...” He swallowed. “Is this supposed to make me feel... better?”

“Well. Yes, I suppose.” The corners of her mouth quirked up, and she took his hand in hers, firm and strong and so tiny next to his big ones; then raised it to her face. Trixie felt a little jealous, but... She'd always known she'd see her mom again, she thought. He hadn't.

“Chloe, you... I...” His voice was strangled, a raspy croak so far from his usual smooth inflections.

“I know.” She opened his collar and bared the little silver pendant. “First, I wanted to thank you. You've been the best guardian archangel possible for my daughter, Lucifer.”

“I'm not – ”

She grabbed his head between her hands. “Yes you are, and you know it. You were not alone, but... you were the one who made the biggest efforts, and the one who had the least to gain from it. So thank you, from all my little ghostly heart.” She grinned and he flinched at _that_ word.

“Don't say that, Chloe, please. Just don't.”

“We'll see.” She grew serious again. “I have another message for you, from your father.”

“I don't care.”

“Yes you do.” She squeezed his fingers hard enough to make him wince. “Your father would like to see you, very soon. He says he's been waiting for you for so long. He sends his love.”

Lucifer's face changed and he dropped her hand, backing away from Chloe and scowling. “No, no, no. You're not real, you're not real, he's trying to – ”

“He's not. He said you can fly up there whenever you want. I'll be there too, Lucifer. Forever.” She floated a bit higher, and dropped a kiss on his half-open lips. “Please. I'll come with you if you want me to.”

 

When Lucifer's big frame started to tremble, when his hands grasped her mother's and his head fell on her shoulder, Trixie Decker-Espinoza edged out of the penthouse and left them.

It was their one night on earth, she mused, and she hoped they'd have many more together up there.

**Author's Note:**

> So, post s02e06: check [this ](http://qqueenofhades.tumblr.com/post/152606821174/gone-baby-gone) out by @qqueenofhades


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